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Stroking the Senses … sensuality vs. sexuality

Stroking the Senses … sensuality vs. sexuality

During this month, sexuality/sensuality are on the minds of many. I would not go as far as saying that sensuality and sexuality are exact opposites, but they are different and should be recognized as such. Sensuality is “stroking the senses” — enlivening one’s imagination. It’s the finesse or natural tendencies one possesses and uses to arouse curiosity and intrigue in another. Sensuality IS expressed or displayed in many ways: a voice, word, touch, smile, aroma, clothing, walk, gesture, kindness, even by being silently attentive to your lover. We all find it sensuous when our mate takes the time to think up new and creative ways of pleasing and stimulating us.

The most important and frequently mentioned sign of sensuality is attitude — an individual with a strong and positive mentality. They have an air of self-confidence, and that energy radiates for all to see. A sensuous partner never divulges every secret; they keep the thrill of the unknown alive. They are creative in and out of the bedroom. Most of the men I spoke with find this absolutely fascinating. Men are always looking and reaching for what they think the do not already have. So, to be the woman who grasps his interest and keeps him guessing is the ultimate challenge. Sensuality not only attracts, but also helps to sustain intimate relationships.

We are living creatures; we all have senses. I’ll call these keys. When we stroke these keys and hit the right notes, the song of sensuality is played. We dance and feel alive, vigorously stimulated and refreshed. Technically, there are five senses: sight, smell, taste, hearing, and touch. Then there’s the sixth sense, commonly called intuition. Proper stimulation of these senses can lead to heightened sensuality, as well as the pursuit of pleasure and exotic romance.

Sensuality in men is usually expressed through sexual gestures or comments. One male even went so far as to say, “I never thought of sensuality as being masculine, only feminine.” Some of our brothers can be so homophobic that they miss the mark on very vital issues in a relationship. Needs go unsatisfied; and all for the sake of ‘hlachismo” relationships falter and fade away. Shockingly one male (a 40 year old, happily married, father of seven) said, “Sensuality is feeling without touching.” I wanted to fall out of my chair! Wow, one of ” them” finally got it! I will give credit where it is due.

This has helped to change my opinion about our ‘brothas”. I can no longer throw out the broad statement that they are all out of tune with their sensuality. Still, overall, men still have a lot of work ahead of them. Take note that the ages of both the men and women in this study ranged from the mid 20′s to the mid 40′s.

In women, sensuality is usually expressed through a softer approach, kissing, caressing, along with an abundance of tenderness and affection. Sometimes all we want is conversation. Two women spoke of the pleasure and passion felt after bathing with their lovers, receiving a full body massage, yet not being approached for sex. Once our mates understand the reality that there is a time and place for everything, we will be more fulfilled, thus more inclined to reciprocate.

I find it ironic that we women are always pegged as being more in tune with sensuality. However, when asking the questions “What is sensuality to you?, and What sensual qualities do you look for in a man?”, most women did not have an answer at all. They pondered the question and promised to call back with the answer later. On the other hand most men came straight off the top of their heads with an answer. One client in particular stated that he is “attracted by long curious dresses on a woman, who is natural (no make-up), letting her true beauty shine through. .. One who gives a struggle and is not easy, allowing time for sincere feelings to grow.” Another stated, “I find a woman who expresses her femininity, and knows how to present herself as strong and powerful to be sensual without presenting herself as less than a lady. She can make her point without causing her man to feel as if he is less than a man!”

I don’t understand how women expect men to behave more sensuously and cater to their needs, when women don’t know themselves. Over the years, we have all become so engrossed in our families, homes, our quests for success (financially, educationally, and spiritually), etc. Somewhere along the line, we forgot the other things. Emotional and sensual needs go unattended for so long. The next thing you know, life is dull and monotonous, never a thrill.

I would suggest to you that you first know yourself. What appeals to you and invigorates your senses? What notes cause you to dance and feel alive? What peeks your PASSION and curiosity? Find these answers, and keep in mind that there are things you can do for yourself to bring about a feeling of sensuousness.   written by Marie Culver for SIS

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